AN OPEN LETTER TO MY LIBERAL DAUGHTER

I miss you and I’m sorry you feel I let you down by voting my conscience in 2016 and 2020.

You probably don’t realize how much you hurt me when you posted, “There is no doubt in my mind that any father of a girl who would vote for Trump does not love his girl.” I’m not sure of the exact wording- but I think I have the meaning correct. In case you don’t remember that was the day after we had an enormous telephone “fight” that started when you asked me who I was voting for.

I recall my angst when you asked that question, the answer to which you had no doubt before you asked it. I was enjoying our talk and smiling broadly prior to your attack. I refused to answer, at first, because, since you went away to college, our political conversations inevitably deteriorated into arguments. You insisted, however, and guaranteed that you only wanted to “Pick my brain.” The pending walk into quicksand was obvious to me, but I have always been an optimist and prayed this would end well.

You started with, “So tell me why is it that you don’t want to vote for Hillary?” You quickly added that you felt the country was ready for its’ first female president. I saw the writing on the wall with the question and the “throw in” comment. My mind raced with questions of its’ own. Have I ever said the country is not ready for a female president? (The answer is NO). Wasn’t I the one who backed Sarah Palin (VP candidate, but that’s pretty close) while you and your friends ridiculed her? (The answer is YES). I wanted to yell, “I do believe our country has been ready for its’ first female president for some time, but not Hillary! She is not competent!” I resisted the temptation. I wanted to have a mature discussion.

I remember clearly that I measured my words as thoroughly as I ever have. I have been on the witness stand for major felonies and have participated in taped interviews of suspects that a potential defense attorney would have weeks to dissect if the case were to go to trial. I knew this conversation with you was every bit as important as any previous, police or court, interactions.

You may remember that I replied by saying I planned to vote for the best candidate and gender was not a determining factor one way of the other. I continued that I vote pro-life. I pointed out that Trump had come out strongly as a pro-life candidate and Hillary was the polar opposite. I heard you take a breath to rebut my statement, but I continued. I expressed my opinion that Trump had shown he was more knowledgeable in foreign affairs and added that Hillary’s mishandling of Benghazi as Secretary of State was another big red flag for me. You didn’t speak so I continued. I told you that, in my opinion, the social programs that Hillary was proposing would cost billions/trillions of dollars our country didn’t have. I added that Trump had outlined a fiscally conservative agenda that was more in line with my beliefs. I had more, but it was your turn to speak.

You came back with your argument of a woman’s right to choose. Your voice was getting louder as you told me that it was your belief that no father who loves his daughters would vote for Trump. I reminded you that you were the only one of my four daughters who felt that way and I asked you if you felt you were being fair to accuse me of not loving you based on the fact that I made a choice to vote for the candidate I believed was best for our country.

I remember taking a deep breath before I reminded you that there was ample proof that Hillary’s husband (who she openly defended against numerous accusations of mistreating and abusing women while he was governor and president) was worse in deeds than Trump was in words. I reminded you that the outrage voiced against Donald stemmed from an “off the record” statement he made to a person he thought was a friend while there were many women accusing the man Hillary was still defending of actual misconduct.

I remember like it was yesterday. The night Trump won the election in 2016, you posted a statement that alarmed me to the point that I called in sick for work told you I would come right over and talk with you. You convinced me you were ok, and we agreed to go out to lunch the following day. I was truly afraid of what might have been on your mind and didn’t sleep at all that night.

I picked you up and we had a pleasant lunch at a local restaurant you chose. I remember that, when we were almost through eating, you brought up politics. I almost required a quick Heimlich maneuver, I choked on the roll I had been eating. You insisted I apologize for not supporting your candidate. I remember, we got loud in the restaurant, you barely allowed me to drive you home. The 5-minute ride was completed without an additional word, you slammed my car door when you exited and did not speak to me for months.

We still are not where we once were, and I’m sorry about that.

I remember the wonderful times we had. A memory that shouldn’t be as cherished is it is for me took place on our only trip to Disney World. I recall we were getting on the tram with our whole entourage, and, without warning, you threw up. Mom and I cleaned up the mess and you and I went back to our room and played the whole day while the rest of the family went on rides. I’m sure we had more fun than they did that day!

Do you remember when mom and I rented a cottage in Minnesota? You were very much into Pocahontas and the resort had one canoe available for the guests? I recall that your older brothers were giving you a hard time and I came down to the beach and asked if you wanted a canoe ride. We ended up having canoe rides every day that vacation, it’s one of my fondest memories. You would sit in the canoe with your arms folded and your proud princess smile! I’m sure my smile was just as big knowing how happy you were.

Do you remember mom and I coming to your Little Theatre shows, then high school plays and then college presentations? I never missed one, despite my work schedule. I was so proud of you, and I think, at the time you enjoyed having me there. I have gone to all of your shows after college too. Sometimes I’d go alone, others I’d bring your Aunt Pam or other people, but if you invited me, I was always there.

We had a great time when you were learning how to drive. We spent a lot of time in my red Sebring trying to get those road hours in. How about when that GMC Uncle Paul gave you in high school finally broke down when you were going to ISU. I drove down there and tried to get it going. The transmission was shot and we couldn’t afford to fix it, so I left mom’s car for you and hitched a ride home from the mechanic.

So many memories, building snow dinosaurs instead of snowmen, going to the beach, New York, New Jersey, Arizona, Texas. Remember your soccor team? That’s one of the cutest team pictures we have of you.

We had so many great memories together, not many recently though.

I find it ironic that I am not mad at you for not supporting my candidate, but you are still mad at me for not supporting yours. I wonder, does my strong interest in politics that stems back to the Kennedy assassination mean nothing? Does your undergraduate degree trump (no pun intended) my master’s degree? Is there something I am missing? I have told you and your siblings that I will always be your father- I wish you would repay me by always being my child, but I can’t, and don’t, demand it.

I do not agree with your political choice, but I still love you. You know that I will do anything for you regardless of how you treat me. I am relieved that you do not find it hypocritical that you still allow me to pay off your most expensive student loan, even though the money I pay it with comes from the police pension (While you are aligned with the DEFUND the police people).

I’m glad that you did not hesitate to accept my offer for you to return home when you lost your job, even though you were not speaking to me at the time. I’m disappointed that you stopped talking to me again once you found a different place to stay.

In my opinion, a democracy can not survive if the citizens within are not able to debate issues without hate and anger.

You are welcome home anytime. No, I will not get vaccinated, but you’re still welcome to visit!

Love, Dad

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