JUST A MINOR /ROUTINEPROCEDURE

How often have you heard these words? I’ve muttered them many times about myself and others. Now that I have entered the over 50 age group, I seem to say it a lot more. My friends, family and I, are having “Minor procedures” on a regular basis.

My father was beating cancer from about 65 years of age until colon cancer finally got the best of him at a ripe old age of 81. Because of that my doctor urged me to submit to a colonoscopy every three years after I turned 50. I dutifully complied. I can’t say gladly because they are bothersome procedures that require over a day of fasting after drinking a gallon of a solution that is not known for its good taste.

I’m proud of my track record for following through with those and other “minor procedures” that, I am told, will keep me healthy.

Unfortunately, I remember, as I suspect most of us do, more things that are better off forgotten than things I should remember.

As I was prepping for my latest colonoscopy my mind bombarded me with one of those memories. A well-publicized death that occurred in 1982 came to mind. Are you lost? Hang on, we’re returning to the subject.

A young man named Marcus Palmer died on the operating table. Marcus was only 20 years old and had just undergone an apparently successful tonsillectomy and adenoid removal, a routine procedure.

According to UPI.com, the operation was complete, and Marcus tore the oxygen tube out of his nose, immediately stopped breathing and went into cardiac arrest. Staff on the scene unsuccessfully tried to revive him. This was well publicized because Mr. Palmer was a member of the popular, at the time, Chicago radio show featuring Steve Dahl and Garry Meier. It was more notable because Dahl, known for his biting humor, had been razzing Palmer on the air about his upcoming surgery.

My mind was working in self-preservation mode, I guess, but it also brought back memories of my friend Moe telling me a friend of his had died on the table during a colonoscopy recently. According to Moe, the doctor somehow nicked an artery and the patient blead out- despite being in a hospital.

Ordinarily, I am able to do whatever I have to do. I don’t dwell on the negatives, I never have. Heck! I worked for 35 years in a profession that required I go in the direction that sane people were fleeing from. I was a cop.

I entered many buildings suspected to be holding criminals either answering alarms or serving warrants. I, on occasion, chased suspects in vehicles. I entered burning buildings when I arrived prior to the fire department and witnesses alerted me that people could be inside. Not to brag, but I was not squeamish.

According to https://www.health.harvard.edu over 15 million colonoscopies are performed every year in the U.S. alone. Not that many people would do what I have done, but I was trying to talk myself out of doing this “routine procedure” that I had already done several times.

Funny how the mind works?

I tried to convince myself how foolish my thoughts were. I prayed for courage (to do this routine procedure). I went to mass on several weekdays leading up to the procedure. On one of those days, I waited for the priest and asked him to hear my confession. I told him about the procedure and my fears as way of an explanation for requesting he do this priestly chore outside of the scheduled hours.

The priest was about my age. He was very understanding and interested in my story. His ears seemed to perk up as I mentioned the man dying from a colonoscopy. After I finished my confession, I spoke to him again. He now seemed like, maybe, he had something else on his mind. Before I left him, he confessed to me that he was a little concerned about what I told him. He then admitted that he had a colonoscopy scheduled and I had given him something to think about.

OOoops! While taking the burden off of me I had shifted it to someone else. Well, I hope his “routine procedure” goes well.

As for me. I went to my procedure. The staff was fantastic. I was treated well and made to feel comfortable the whole time I was there. There were a couple of mishaps. My first nurse was distracted, it was her first day back after maternity leave and she forgot to bring me a blanket after getting me into a hospital gown in a well air-conditioned prep room.

Then my second nurse, her supervisor and then the anesthesiologist all failed at getting my intravenous line started. Finally, the anesthesiologist was successful on his second attempt.

I was wheeled into the procedure room where I had a pleasant conversation with the staff. I spoke to my doctor for a moment and then woke up in recovery. I felt nothing. No pain. No indication of the procedure. Is it possible that they only doped me up and are collecting the insurance money for doing nothing? If that did happen I’ll write about it later.

My doctor told me she found a few polyps, which is normal for me. She said she was not concerned by their appearance, and I should relax and plan to see her in 3 years.

Like I said, or someone said, piece of cake- no problem- why do people get so worked up about these “minor/routine procedures?”

Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. Please comment below. If a comment section is not available tap on the title and check again- I am working on the problem, sorry for the inconvenience.

Phil