AN EXCLUSIVE CLUB NOBODY WANTS TO JOIN!

My son, Daniel, was diagnosed with Autism after my wife (Eileen) noticed many ways that his development differed from our other children.

Dan was exceptional in many ways. Both above the norm and below.

Up until first grade Danny was the happiest child in the world. He loved playing with his brothers and sisters, he memorized the movies we had bought for the kids and loved to sit in front of the TV watching them. He became more discerning and started to leave the room and do other things only to return at the same portion of the movie, the part he enjoyed most, every time.

His kindergarten year was very successful. He loved his teachers and classmates especially one young girl he told us he loved and planned to marry.

In first grade he took a drastic dive as far as school was concerned. He said he didn’t want to go. My wife and I talked to his teacher, the principal, and Danny, but there was no improvement.

His teacher reported that he did not socialize well, which was a drastic drop from just the previous year. My wife continued to keep regular contact with school personnel while I was as involved as I could be with all the hours I was putting in at work.

In the midst of this concern, I walked Danny into his classroom one day because he had completed a project that was too large for him to carry. Danny ran ahead of me, as was his habit. When I turned the corner to enter his classroom I saw the teacher interacting with some students. I looked to my left and saw two bigger boys standing very close to Danny and talking with him.

My first reaction was relief that he might have finally made some friends in this classroom. In a matter of seconds, I saw Dan was scared and was being bullied by these two bigger boys. I spoke to the teacher and the principal that day. I was very upset and the only thing that came from our conversation was a reminder, to me, that I had to check in any time I came to the school.

Daniel fought depression, autism and other factors for almost 25 years until, on June 26th, 2019 he chose to end his life.

School bullying is one of the many causes of suicide in young people. I feel strongly that Dan’s school experiences were among the many factors that lead him to take his life about 2 weeks before his 25th birthday.

With Dan’s suicide my ex-wife, children, our extended family, friends and associates joined the exclusive club of those hurt by suicide. An exclusive club that nobody wants to be a part of!

Danny’s notes- which we found days after his suicide- listed many things that lead to his decision. His inability to find a girlfriend, his perceived lack of friends (Several of his friends came to his wake and funeral. Some arrived before us! They also held a fundraiser for him after he was buried) and a bleak outlook he held for his future success were among the points he made. An encouraging piece for the family was that he wrote- in every one of the drafts we found- that he knew he was loved, and he loved all of us!

The fact that Danny knew he was loved and loved us was one of the few parts of that horrendous day that makes me smile. Our family was so touched by that that we all got tattoos of that phrase, in Danny’s writing!

There are many different ways to deal with suicide and depression. If there is serious depression a professional counselor/psychiatrist is highly recommended! My own family has chosen a variety of options. Some of us have turned to prayer, immediately afterwords some of us went to group sessions offered by churches and other sources. Some have chosen individual counseling, we have had many family outings to his gravesite on special occasions, I choose to visit his grave several times a month, talking with others is always helpful. My son Sean is a paramedic/firefighter, and he has taken classes to give training to his department and others pertaining to depression and suicide (a common problem facing all first responders).

There are a myriad of ways to deal with any problem, I’ve listed just some of the things we have tried above. I believe that is the best solution. Try as many ways as you feel you need. If something is working, stay with it. If it doesn’t seem to help, find a different way! If the counselor you have chosen is not a good fit, I suggest you try another. Counselors are the same as any other professional, there are good ones and bad ones; find the one that is right for you. I believe, it is imperative to find a constructive way to deal with the pain, grief and depression that might set in.

Some of our family members have participated in the “Out of The Darkness Walk” in honor of Dan, and all who suffer with suicidal thoughts, every year since Dan took his own life. These walks are the definition of “bittersweet.” It is gratifying to see thousands (An estimated 4,000 this year at the Montrose Harbor -Chicago- event) of people unite to voice their support of the suicide prevention movement. It is sad to see the faces of suicide victims on the video screen and on the shirts and signs worn and carried by family members. These walks take place in many communities, on different dates, across the country. You can check out “OUT OF THE DARKNESS” on your favorite search engine to find one near you if you are interested in supporting the cause.

A national “SUICIDE AND CRISIS LIFELINE” has been set up recently. The support line is accessible by “dialing/pushing” 988. I encourage anyone who needs help to do so.

Thank you for reading. Please comment if you liked this, or if you disagree with anything. If the comment section is not showing, please tap on the title and it should come up. I’m sorry for any inconvenience this may cause. I thought we had that problem solved, but it seems to have resurfaced.

Phil