I have always been able to fix things. Especially when I couldn’t afford the replacement cost and I needed them.
When I was a kid, between the neighbors and my brothers, there were usually plenty of replacement parts for anything that needed to be fixed. In the rare cases when there weren’t any, we could ride a bike to stores in the area. A hardware store about 4 blocks away and a bike shop near 3 miles away, that weren’t out of range for us.
My dad was handy, but usually too busy to fix bikes. My brothers were very handy and often had “garbage picked” bikes or other sources for parts. As is often the problem with older brothers, they were not generally enthusiastic about helping their little brother and they were very much against the concept of donating parts to a dead-beat little brother with no means of support (or repayment). This problem required me to learn how to obtain the needed fenders, tires, wheels- whatever, in the dark of night- so to speak!
We were “boomer kids” and always had plenty of friends around to help, or join in, no matter what we were up to. We graduated from bike repair to go-cart building, to minibike building etc.
My brothers rebuilt an inherited 1950 Plymouth in the driveway with the hesitant approval of my parents and then with that great success my brother Pat rebuilt his 1956 Ford Sun Liner when he was about 17-just a couple of years later. 
I was often allowed to help my dad on his household projects: Finishing the basement, turning an 8-foot-high projector stand into a bar in the basement, putting a cement patio in the backyard, tiling the basement, dividing the basement into 4 rooms, paneling rooms, putting a privacy fence in the backyard and many more things.
As I was growing up, it was a badge of honor to proclaim, “I rigged that; I couldn’t get it to work so I…” After I was married “rigged” became a dirty word as my lovely bride often asserted- she would prefer that the job be done correctly. I guess that makes sense.
When I bought my first house, at twenty-six years old while living alone, I repaired and painted the interior walls and sanded and varnished the hardwood floors. I put an antenna on the roof in a windstorm (I didn’t say I was smart). It wasn’t until I was holding this large metal antenna standing near the chimney, on the roof, of my two-story Cape Cod house and looking down at the thorn bushes approximately 40 feet below me, that I realized that I had not told anybody what I was planning to do! If I had gotten blown off the roof, or struck by lightning, I probably wouldn’t have been found until the next family party!
I kept fixing things for over 40 years. Faucets, drains, tables, driveway patches, bicycles, cars, holes in walls. I made shelves, tiled floors, fixed broken screens, removed beehives and more.
I think the beehive (Wasp nest) is an interesting story. Early in our marriage we had bees dive bombing us as we entered our front door in a duplex (The first home my wife and I bought together) we lived in for a few years. We spotted the nest on an overhang near the girl’s bedroom on the second floor. I didn’t have a ladder high enough to get onto the roof, so I backed our 1986 Buick Estate Wagon up to the front door and put our 6-foot ladder on the roof of the car. Yes, it was as dangerous and foolish as it sounds!
This is a mid-fifties Chevrolet Station WagonNot “my bees” but bees just the same!
Oddly enough, I didn’t see my wife or any of the kids in the yard to watch me as usual.
The ladder was a little shaky on the roof of the car, but I got up there safely armed with a can of Raid and a disposable lighter. The nest was active and as I sat on the roof to work up my courage, I saw 5 or 6 wasps fly in and out. There seemed to be a short break in their activity, so I got active. I lit the lighter and then sprayed the Raid on the small fire it produced. The Raid acted like a flame thrower directed at the active hive.
It’s amazing how many wasps can fit into those honey combed nests. Hundreds of them came swarming at me. I couldn’t get down the ladder/car combination fast enough, so I jumped about 20 or 30 feet into the front yard and rolled, purposely, to lessen the impact. As I dove for the ground I saw my wife with the three oldest kids. They were laughing hysterically at the site of me running for my life with a village of angry bees in pursuit. Somehow, I did not receive one serious sting. I think my rapid loss in altitude might have confused some my pursuers!
In defense of my wife, she has a motto. She never laughs until she feels certain you will not be seriously injured. Then she lets go! From the timing of her laugh, I believe she knew I would not be seriously injured before I knew- I’m just saying…
I am still an active Handy Man Impersonator. Recently, I have put a motion detector light in the backyard and put a dryer vent on a new gas dryer I installed.
In answer to obvious questions that might arise: The gas line is secure, and the house has not blown up! The lint and exhaust are exiting the home as designed- even after my involvement. The problems I had that caused me to suspect my “handyman prowess” was not what it should be were how long the jobs took, and how many trips to the hardware store were required after I thought I had all the tools and accessories I needed.
For the motion detector, the regular porch light I was replacing hadn’t been working so I needed to do some trouble shooting before I did any replacing.
When I pulled it apart, I found one of the wires installed by the builder, 29 years earlier, had separated from the wire nut and was lying loose in the housing. Yes, this is a very simple fix. That’s why I’m doubting myself. That job took me about 8 hours and four trips for parts I didn’t realize would be needed. I imagine an electrician would have been done in no more than an hour. I was happy to finish it. I was happy it works. I was very disappointed that it took so long!
A few months later I replaced a bathroom exhaust fan in the first-floor powder room. I had been putting that chore off for way longer than I should have. I have replaced the same type of fans in various bathrooms of different houses. but I recall they were all difficult and time-consuming tasks.
The replacement piece, of course, was a different size and shape than the fan being replaced. I am not an adventurous man anymore! I checked every hardware store within 15 miles of my home- Home Depots, Menards, Aces, Farm and Fleets… you get the picture. If they sold screws, I went in and asked them if they had my style replacement fan. The general answer was a laugh and then, “I haven’t seen one of those for 30 years….”
I was so desperate for this one to go smoothly that I read the installation instructions (That is a big step for me). They revealed a key to easy removal and replacement! WOW! That job went so smoothly I wanted to tell the world. It was the first time I felt like a true HANDYMAN in years! I felt so good that when my ex-wife and I walked into an appliance store a few weeks later and bought a dryer I declared, for all to hear, that I would install it myself- This, of course, was after they told me it would cost a few hundred dollars more for installation.
As with most jobs around the house, I had done this more than once. The night of the purchase, I put the dryer in the back of my pick-up truck and drove my new prize home. I purchased a new exhaust hose and installation kit before I left the store.
I was working on adrenaline. My son and I pulled out the old dryer. Slid it out of the way and gently placed the new one in its’ place. I tightened all the connections, checked for leaks and started it. Everything was AOK!!! I quickly turned it off and turned to the exhaust hose. I remembered how, the old one was very difficult to install- that’s why I had purchased a new hose! I placed it against the dryer exhaust piece- it felt like they were both exactly the same size- THE HOSE WOULD NOT FIT INTO, or OVER the dryer receptacle. Simple! I put the other end of the hose up against the dryer and got exactly the same result! The bottom line is…. It took me over 2 hours to accomplish what a dryer delivery guy, or trained repairman, could do in about 5 minutes!
Again!!! I snatched defeat from the jaws of victory!
I’ll tell you this for certain! The next time something needs to be done around the house I will try to do it! That’s because a true handyman must have the same lack of memory that any good professional relief pitcher has!
Thank you for reading to the end. Please comment and share.
I was often allowed to help my dad on his household projects: Finishing the basement, turning an 8-foot-high projector stand into a bar in the basement, putting a cement patio in the backyard, tiling the basement, dividing the basement into 4 rooms, paneling rooms, putting a privacy fence in the backyard and many more things.
As I was growing up, it was a badge of honor to proclaim, “I rigged that; I couldn’t get it to work so I…” After I was married “rigged” became a dirty word as my lovely bride often asserted- she would prefer that the job be done correctly. I guess that makes sense.
When I bought my first house, at twenty-six years old while living alone, I repaired and painted the interior walls and sanded and varnished the hardwood floors. I put an antenna on the roof in a windstorm (I didn’t say I was smart). It wasn’t until I was holding this large metal antenna standing near the chimney, on the roof, of my two-story Cape Cod house and looking down at the thorn bushes approximately 40 feet below me, that I realized that I had not told anybody what I was planning to do! If I had gotten blown off the roof, or struck by lightning, I probably wouldn’t have been found until the next family party!
I kept fixing things for over 40 years. Faucets, drains, tables, driveway patches, bicycles, cars, holes in walls. I made shelves, tiled floors, fixed broken screens, removed beehives and more.
I think the beehive (Wasp nest) is an interesting story. Early in our marriage we had bees dive bombing us as we entered our front door in a duplex (The first home my wife and I bought together) we lived in for a few years. We spotted the nest on an overhang near the girl’s bedroom on the second floor. I didn’t have a ladder high enough to get onto the roof, so I backed our 1986 Buick Estate Wagon up to the front door and put our 6-foot ladder on the roof of the car. Yes, it was as dangerous and foolish as it sounds!
As I was growing up, it was a badge of honor to proclaim, “I rigged that; I couldn’t get it to work so I…” After I was married “rigged” became a dirty word as my lovely bride often asserted- she would prefer that the job be done correctly. I guess that makes sense.
When I bought my first house, at twenty-six years old while living alone, I repaired and painted the interior walls and sanded and varnished the hardwood floors. I put an antenna on the roof in a windstorm (I didn’t say I was smart). It wasn’t until I was holding this large metal antenna standing near the chimney, on the roof, of my two-story Cape Cod house and looking down at the thorn bushes approximately 40 feet below me, that I realized that I had not told anybody what I was planning to do! If I had gotten blown off the roof, or struck by lightning, I probably wouldn’t have been found until the next family party!
I kept fixing things for over 40 years. Faucets, drains, tables, driveway patches, bicycles, cars, holes in walls. I made shelves, tiled floors, fixed broken screens, removed beehives and more.
I think the beehive (Wasp nest) is an interesting story. Early in our marriage we had bees dive bombing us as we entered our front door in a duplex (The first home my wife and I bought together) we lived in for a few years. We spotted the nest on an overhang near the girl’s bedroom on the second floor. I didn’t have a ladder high enough to get onto the roof, so I backed our 1986 Buick Estate Wagon up to the front door and put our 6-foot ladder on the roof of the car. Yes, it was as dangerous and foolish as it sounds!
A few months later I replaced a bathroom exhaust fan in the first-floor powder room. I had been putting that chore off for way longer than I should have. I have replaced the same type of fans in various bathrooms of different houses. but I recall they were all difficult and time-consuming tasks.
The replacement piece, of course, was a different size and shape than the fan being replaced. I am not an adventurous man anymore! I checked every hardware store within 15 miles of my home- Home Depots, Menards, Aces, Farm and Fleets… you get the picture. If they sold screws, I went in and asked them if they had my style replacement fan. The general answer was a laugh and then, “I haven’t seen one of those for 30 years….”
I was so desperate for this one to go smoothly that I read the installation instructions (That is a big step for me). They revealed a key to easy removal and replacement! WOW! That job went so smoothly I wanted to tell the world. It was the first time I felt like a true HANDYMAN in years! I felt so good that when my ex-wife and I walked into an appliance store a few weeks later and bought a dryer I declared, for all to hear, that I would install it myself- This, of course, was after they told me it would cost a few hundred dollars more for installation.
As with most jobs around the house, I had done this more than once. The night of the purchase, I put the dryer in the back of my pick-up truck and drove my new prize home. I purchased a new exhaust hose and installation kit before I left the store.
I was working on adrenaline. My son and I pulled out the old dryer. Slid it out of the way and gently placed the new one in its’ place. I tightened all the connections, checked for leaks and started it. Everything was AOK!!! I quickly turned it off and turned to the exhaust hose. I remembered how, the old one was very difficult to install- that’s why I had purchased a new hose! I placed it against the dryer exhaust piece- it felt like they were both exactly the same size- THE HOSE WOULD NOT FIT INTO, or OVER the dryer receptacle. Simple! I put the other end of the hose up against the dryer and got exactly the same result! The bottom line is…. It took me over 2 hours to accomplish what a dryer delivery guy, or trained repairman, could do in about 5 minutes!
Again!!! I snatched defeat from the jaws of victory!
I’ll tell you this for certain! The next time something needs to be done around the house I will try to do it! That’s because a true handyman must have the same lack of memory that any good professional relief pitcher has!
Thank you for reading to the end. Please comment and share.