When I was a child, I watched my parents interact and was convinced that I could be the best husband, father and grandfather of all my peers. I believed my parents were the best role models around and I was glad to have them in my daily life.
I witnessed only one “big” fight between mom and dad, and I was with them- in one way or another- for 45 of their 53 years of marriage. Most of the time they were relaxed and confident. Their answers to most questions were final, quick and thoughtful.
It seemed effortless.
Then came real life!
I married a girl that made me believe that “This marriage thing will be a piece of cake.” We dated for over a year and seemed to have no problems. No big arguments or fights. We were able to talk through all of our differences.
And then…
We had many fights after the vows were recited. We remained married for 32 years; which is pretty good compared to current day statistics. Our fights often lasted more than one day. I knew, in my heart, that we shouldn’t go to bed mad. I think my wife did too, I mentioned it often, but people are people and we all do things our own way.
I was not perfect. I know I did not intentionally start any of our fights; but, I admit, I accidentally started plenty. 
I forgot anniversaries birthdays and other important dates, not completely, just to a point that the gift was purchased at the last minute without much thought and often disappointed her.
Before we married, I was sure I would be THAT GUY!
I was sure I would be the guy my dad was. He bought my m0m wonderful, thoughtful, gifts for no occasion and special occasions.
On some paydays he would “pick up” a dress that was the perfect color, style and price! On special occasions he would do better; because he remembered.
If my mother would casually remark, “Oh, I just love red roses.” she would have a dozen, or so, sometime in the near future. He remembered. 
He remembered everything! He especially remembered everything he was supposed to!
My dad remembered the names of people who were important to my mother. He remembered dates and locations that meant a lot to mom.
I cared but failed. I, more than once, have said, “Who’s that cousin you used to….with, what’s his name?” Instead of remembering it, or writing it down, or doing whatever good husbands do.
I probably should have brought a gift to the hospital when I picked her up after every child’s birth; but I forgot!
Our family grew quickly and money was always tight. I was concerned that if I splurged on “spontaneous” gifts it would upset her because she insisted on paying all of the bills- or some silly thing like that- maybe I should have taken the chance.
We had a large family and, as a police officer, I stayed late on calls when the kids had events. Some of the calls couldn’t be avoided; some I took because I forgot my obligation or knew there was a big bill due.
At any rate, I have not received any “Father of the Year” awards and don’t anticipate any. Don’t get me wrong. I believe that all of my kids love me, and I suspect that some like me more than others do- but all of them like me to some extent… all of them except that one liberal that left the family because Trump won. That one I saw coming but had no way to stop it short of lying or voting for Ilhan Omar and I found that both of those choices were beyond what I, or the rest of my family, could live with.
Meanwhile, back at the forgetfulness part of the story…
There are times I am tempted to blame my forgetfulness on dementia but I’m not sure that would apply as the onset for me was in my mid-twenties. I did work a lot of hours with sparse sleep which, I’ve read, can lead to memory problems. But I’m not looking for excuses, I’m looking for solutions.
I am truly sorry when I miss a function, or show up late, or unprepared. And, in my defense, I do show up to most of them as I am expected to.
I sometimes relate forgetting engagements to sports. As a young man I made All-Star teams and won medals in sports. But, even then, I would make errors or strike out when the team truly needed a hit. I realize that nobody is perfect. I also accept that I fail in the memory category more than those who love me would like. The current day “Me/Athlete” is below average in golf and bowling. I have been trying to re-acclimate myself after not participating in anything while my kids were growing up. I AM FAILING MISERABLY! My bowling average is near the lowest on my league and my golf scores are high when they should be low.
I feel these sports shortcomings are also the fault of not remembering. I know I should have a fluid motion bowling- but I forget. I know I should swing more aggressively in golf- but I forget…
Perhaps I should tie a string around my finger like Uncle Billy in “IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE?” Maybe I should decide on a paper date calendar or an electronic planner instead of trying to do both and, occasionally, forgetting to make entries. Maybe I should hire a receptionist to handle all of my “bookings” and call me with reminders?
HEY! Maybe somebody reading this has the solution!
Thanks for reading to the end. Please comment if you have any ideas on how I can do better, of with anything else you would like to offer.